Better Distractions
Today, I decided to do my old off-day routine. That entails coffee shop, nap, binge watch a tv show, and a ride down Lollie Bottoms to top off my evening. I haven’t been feeling the best about my writing abilities as of late, and I’ve been writing the same old things over and over again in my journal. I haven’t found the best routine for me yet. Like I wonder what that will consist of for me. Maybe I need a tentative schedule so I won’t feel like my life is like blah sometimes.
The coffee shop of choice is Blue Sail in Conway. I’ve written some really cool things here, so I wanted to feel a bit connected to the writer I once was. Maybe we’ll inspire each other. So far, so good. I didn’t get my old seat today, but I’m content. My favorite barista in the world is here today. Nobody compares to Christa. She is what makes this place feel like home for me. Sitting here seems so familiar to me, but at the same time, different. I feel a bit wiser, and maybe my drive or whatever you may call it has settled.
The meat of what I really wanted to talk about is the idea of distractions. I feel like I’ve been asking myself what I’m trying to push back today? What are the things I’m not addressing? I think the biggest elephant in the room is mourning the life I thought I was going to have at 23. All a girl wants to do is write, but doors are constantly getting slammed in one’s face… It can be a bit discouraging for anyone. I try not to take any of it personally, but it feels a bit personal sometimes when the same people are doing the slamming.
I think this is the only thing that I’ll probably keep distracting myself from. I’ll continue to sit at coffee shops with my laptop and Airpods and act like I’m saying anything of value. I’ll act as if I’m working at a publishing house and I have this deadline that’s almost impossible to make, but I do nonetheless because I am that girl. I always wonder if living in Arkansas has anything to do with my lack of chance. I’ve always thought staying here was the actual reason for my current downfall.
Although I could use better distractions at times, I don’t think of ever giving up like the world wants you to.