Got To Give It Up- Pt.1

There are so many drafts I haven’t finished or had the guts to truly tell on myself. I think about this website every single day, but I never really know what to say or write these days because my emotions have been quite stagnant for some time. I go to write, I reread it, and then realize that I’ve written it all before… but there is something that has been tugging at me. What I got to give up in a couple of years.

Time is seriously ticking for me and I feel like I’m caught in two different worlds at the moment. What the world wants me to be, and what I’ve always wanted to be. I’ve always been free-spirited, but the shackles of my decisions as a teenager have brought me into this mess. I feel like I can’t just be and I feel indebted to my current job and all of the people who’ve believed in me for the past 5 years, but at the end of the day, I want to create. I felt like I could possibly combine the two, but I find myself not feeling creative.

A year and a half, and maybe less to figure this shit out. I know it doesn’t like a big deal, and the conventional or traditional thing would be for me to try and combine the two as I’ve said before, but it’s like mixing water and oil. Sure you can mix and mix it all you want but once it stands still, one will rise to the top, and the other will sink to the bottom. I already know which one has taken the back burner. I can’t tell y’all the last time I’ve written a script or drafted on any of my unfinished books that sit on this laptop. I can’t tell you how many poems I’ve drafted that are unfinished because I haven’t had the guts to just complete them. It’s tough sometimes.

I just hope I have enough guts to just do it, but either way, there’s going to be something that I have to give up.